Crazy Love

This is a commentary on self-love. How far does it go, how deep does it run? Is it genuine? Why is it taboo and/or seemingly socially irresponsible to put self-first above all, in ways that aren’t just for capital gain? I want to bring about a global change in that conversation. It’s my sincere belief that self-love is the only love and everything else is just an overflow of that profoundness…

Is it that we are afraid to love ourselves in a way that is genuine and filled with deliberate intention? Or is it that we don’t yet know how to love self in true authenticity, as it is in direct conflict with the western ideal of the love of things? I could ask a million questions, one no more profound than the other and each one filled with just as much curiosity and excitement as the last. However, the fact still remains, that self-love in its truest from seems to be a bit of a taboo.

I can only speak for myself, so let’s not think that Luna is calling out the masses and putting your self-love to the test; this is not my intention in the least bit. Conversely, if we are not constantly thinking, challenging ourselves, and evolving what is the point of our existence? Why are we here? HA! THAT is a different story!  However, it’s one that I will be touching on, but covering in another post.     Anyway, self-love… 

Many of us speak on the Law of Attraction which is a beautiful universal truth that states, in its simplest understanding, that Like attracts Like. On a broader scale it says that if you want something to be manifested within your life or present situation, you need only (with the purest intent) to will it within yourself and call it into your life. Our thoughts are very powerful, our minds filled with infinite potential.

Along with the power of our thoughts and the limitless potential of our mind, there is something unequivocally beautiful about love. We are all birthed into this world through the unconditional love of the Universe and it’s that same love that’s innately woven into our essence. We are all born with the capacity to love crazily in and unconditional way, so why not start with self?

I believe that there is an unspoken Law of Love. This law is the absolute height of our intention, being amazingly profound and beautifully dangerous concurrently. It is through Law of Love of love,  self-love, that we can hone in on our personal attraction factor and truly become the engineers of our destiny. The orchestration of such destiny however, requires no ordinary, fly-by-night cookie-cutter love equipped with mantras and meditations (Not to discount their effectiveness, because they are effective). Loving yourself in the capacity of your absolute highest intention requires crazy self-love, BIG self-love.

There is a beautiful quote by Ellen Johnson Sirleaf that says ‘If your dreams don’t scare you, then they’re not big enough.’ I would beg the question about the way we love ourselves.

If the way we love ourselves doesn’t scare us, then is it big enough? 

Self-love is the motivator; it’s the difference between progression and regression. Just like we look for partners that will love us past our hang-ups and pain, we must first do this for ourselves. Love ourselves in a crazy way, a way that constantly challenges your very definition of what love is and how it’s expressed. Loving self so BIG and so CRAZILY that we create an excess of that love that we can then spread to others, thus connecting us to the human spirit and the collective life force of ALL things… The Infinite Cosmic Consciousness!!!

At the end of the day with that outpouring of love, filled to the brim with your absolute highest intent, there is nothing selfish in that… At all. Hmmm…

Master and Commander

Whispers in the melody of silence evoking life. Calling me back from the mutilation of my heart and bastardization of my soul. Taken to the point of no return. Living in nightmares, seeing life everyday through the devil’s eyes… Brandishing weapons of my destruction for the war with the eighth deadliest sin: Lack of self-love. But who is to blame remembering thought by name. Know which area, to slice I the experimental splice. Cutting away shards of my personality for the misfits and maybe that infiltrate me. Perpetual habit, perpetrating love, brewing dependency and suffocating my spirit so that I could swallow me whole…

And I did… I washed me down with a bottle a vodka, a fistful of pills and a lifetime supply of broken dream.

Remnants of rape burn valleys into my flesh for my tears to fill like rivers, carrying traces of my memory to eat away at my spirit. Taunting me with the knowledge of knowing the memories by name, in bits and pieces. Torn and Tattered. Self-esteem battered. A bitch left fucked raw with nothing to show for it but a beautiful face and mystery in my eyes so that even if you heard my please you still wouldn’t have believed the battle cries!

Jaded perception of life…No faith in trust…Yet the only thing I clung to was love.

Well…the idea of love, NO, the ideal of love!

‘Cause all I’d been shown from birth to independence was lust and was forced to master the art of sex before I reached double digits and was passing out cards in the business of self hatred before my young hart new it was capable of self-love.

Legs pried open wide while negativity shoved it’s dick inside me, down stroking my mental with thoughts of, ‘You ain’t never gon’ be good for nothing’ and ‘Sex will be your greatest destiny’ … Ejaculation only confirmation that that was what I’d become. Nine months went by and I gave birth to  a lie loving it fully, giving the last of what I felt I could be while self-esteem went from torn and tattered to virtually non-existent. The viral disconnect from my spirit left my soul distant.

But what happened next could only be fathomed within the security of dreams, because while sex and negativity fucked me over and over with experience… My strength waiting in the wings, growing more and more impatient with every gunshot through my heart and every machete through my womb. The echoes of forgotten battle fueled my strength like the passion behind the birth of a new nation and I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO ME!!! And this internal conflict is a matter of National Security.

Waging a war with the 8^th deadliest sin carrying a secret weapon I never realized I had. Never once stopping to realize the sacred trinity of bloodlines that comprises my strength and courses through my veins…swaying my thinking giving me power with each and every one of my adversaries insults or derogative names. Until bitch became synonymous with beautiful and ho became synonymous with honorable.

For my nation was birthed from the womb of the Gods and her laws and principles built on the back of Kings and Queens. But see in your small minds you don’t get what this truly means, because you’re still trying to sift real life from your dreams while I’ve vowed to make mine reality. And as the war wages on my strength is steady brewing… the precursor of calm before the storm and now years later…I’m ready to drop these bombs…

I’ve studied, calibrated, and triangulated the position in which to carry out my mission. And NO, it’s not aimed at you or those like you who live to fabricate the truth… This target is aimed directly for the youth.

See while negativity thought it would break me my flexibility came through greatly. From early on I learned how to bend and roll with the punches with the simplest ease…and it’s that same strength that picked me up off my knees. No credit due to your negative reinforcement, for I on my own accord made a better life for myself. And I’ll use that same strength matched with guidance to help make it better for somebody else.

The Universe has spared my spirit to serve as a secret weapon, a sacred vessel, allowing my struggle to encourage someone else. A strategic play, giving me the upper hand and the greatest wealth…

And from here through the duration I’ll always pledge undying loyalty to my nation, this is a declaration of love and admiration. The war has been fought and won, I’ve reached self-actualization… Not by this triumph over my situation but by becoming master and commander of my destination.