***So this started out as a Facebook status that I soon realized
was getting entirely too long, and then it hit me… I have a goddamn blog I can
post this on, what in the entire fuck am I doing with my life? So here it is
the longest Facebook status epiphany I’ve written to date.***
I was born and raised with traditional Southern values you
know, family, faith, hard work, and the like. I still hold those to be dear to
my soul with some minor adjustments to how they were originally instilled. I no
longer consider myself Christian and coming up that was huge corner stone in my
life. My epiphany lies in the fact that
I have been judging people's feelings on this marriage ruling, and my
engagement, based on the type of Christian I used to be and my current
spirituality. I’ve been holding people to a standard I hold myself to, and it’s
just not fair or realistic.
I cannot force anyone to share my beliefs and I do not try.
The only thing I do is share information so I can do my part to stop the
perpetuation of ignorance. I have become frustrated with the hypocrisy I've
been seeing and let it sway my feelings from contented indifference to wounded
anger. I have been out for almost 15 years, so nothing about the backlash is
new or surprising. Nothing about the selective piety from family members and
even some acquaintances is surprising. What is most upsetting, is knowing that
I am legit going to have to open the door for those who are willingly walking
out of my life. I can't hold on to them and I can't make them see through the
lens of unconditional love; that is something they would have to do on their
own. I have been looking at those who I grew up with stay silent when it comes
to the triumphs in my life, while knowing at times I was the only one in their
corners rooting for them. That’s a hard pill to swallow, and quite frankly it
sucks major balls. I never thought I’d come across such people in my life,
given that I try my damndest to not be that way, but this only confirms why these
people are choosing to make their exodus. The
LoA is too real.
Being a medium, however, gives me a unique perspective on
the troubles of this world because I have direct communication with those that
have moved on from it. Interestingly enough, what they say about the other side
versus what society feels about it, just doesn't add up. My Grandmother, the
only one I ever knew physically, was the embodiment of what I thought a
Christian was to be. She was literally everything; she even had a secret twin!
She was such a Christ-filled, amazing healer that pastors sought her out to
pray for them. My grandmother never met a stranger, she lived the word of God
from her heart not just the book, she didn’t blindly follow what others said
about God, she came to know God for herself and sought to share that knowing
with others in the best way she knew how.
She passed away when I was 10 years old, and now in my 27th
year I am finally able to connect with her and speak directly to her in the
spirit realm. And what this, to this day, devout Christian has told me from the
other side is that none of people's feelings about my sexuality and marriage
equality matter. The only constant on the other side is unconditional love. It
permeates all things, it encompasses all things, it lives in all things and so
long as I am happy and loving with an open, unbiased heart and treating people
with kindness, that is all that matters. I’ve talked to her directly and have
had readings from strangers that have relayed the same message that she is so
proud of me, and she adores my fiancée and wants nothing more than for us to be
happy. When I began typing this, she was standing over my shoulder giggling at
my use of foul language, knowing I wasn’t going to change it.
She totally gets
me, that woman, potty mouth and all.
So with this epiphany I am releasing this anger with love. I
am releasing this hurt with love. I am releasing some of my aunts, uncles, and
cousins with love, and I wish you all nothing but the best in your future
endeavors. I hope your lives are nothing less than how you envisioned them
being, and know that I will always love you unconditionally and hold no ill feelings
towards you.
The way in which I love holds no room for anything less than
positivity, understanding, and acceptance, so should you desire to come back
through that door, it will be unlocked for you...
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